small town fun

\

i don't know if i'll be able to sleep tonight.

 

oh.

my.

gatch.

click click

I am in class right now.

I really hope that they win and that they lose (badly).

I mailed in a check for $140 to do this today. :/

A man who comes into my coffee shop is a psychiatrist and gave me this book to read. I started it last night and already love it.

I am doing this soon, and it scares the crap out of me to think about. I'll probably pee my pants.

aaaaaaaaah! I want one of these!!

recently discovered: this place is fun. also, I'd like to go to this.

why, oh why, does this have to be on while I'm in group therapy class?!? boo. love that show.

this summer one of my goals is to try doing this.

I recently jumped on their bandwagon, and I definitely don't regret it.

THIS IS SO CUTE!! 

...heyo.

when I was in undergrad I applied for this. but really, I've always, always wanted to go on this.

apparently these are amazing, and I must go. soon.

ahahahaha. I remember when this happened. so. funny.

it is a dream of mine to return here, where I lived when I was 8. 

speaking of food, a friend just handed me summa these so I'm gonna go eat them now. byeeeeeeeeeeeee.

"how difficult it is to live inside my story."

"living inside my story means inside my full story, acknowledging the possible future relevance of every portion of my past. it means living inside my story, not in awe of someone else's - which has nothing to do, of course, with arrogantly supposing that my tale is central or universal, but only with understanding that this and no other is the one given me to inhabit whole. it means living inside my story, not popping outside all the time to check on how I'm doing with the audience, but getting the clearest possible view from where I stand."

"living inside my story allows my fullhearted presence in those places where many stories intersect and complete one another."

"to get there, I need a lot of solitude."

"who I am is not a noun, but a narrative."

-jan clausen

titles

here are the titles of the papers I've written thus far in grad school... 

Is It Worth the Risk?

The Journey Toward Home

The Struggle and Beauty of Reading

Embracing the Journey

Finding Ourselves in Love

Discovering More of Me

The Sexually Abused Woman: Fragmentation and Wholeness

We’re All Fine. Or Are We?

Doug and Jennifer: Moving toward Intimacy

Called to Be Male and Female

Cowardice and Courage in The Fighter

The Existence of Evil and the Character of God

Margaret Mahler: The Struggle to Simultaneously Fit In and Separate From

Margaret Mahler: The Significance of Relationship

the rapture is tomorrow

and I'm all set & ready to go. I've even got a decent tan for it...

peace out, world.

don't call me, i'll call you.

 

over the past 4 days I have spent 21 hours in class and 12.25 hours at work.

I even went to bed at 9pm last night. I never do that.

yes please.

[the sunshine is much more enjoyable when you're not in class for 12 hours.]

ode to old testament class

a haiku about the seven hour OT class I am currently in:

A microphoned man

Typing fingers web browsing

Distractions galore

churning

I've been on a couple of ferry rides the past few days - a lovely perk of living in a place that actually has water. these are reflections on a few precious moments standing outside, feeling the air, soaking it in.

I stand and look at where I once was.

separate now, and grateful for it.

the distance between us

creates a chasm of hope, 

of something new.

yet as I stand here and ponder

I feel a churning beneath me.

because all movement

comes with a cost, 

you see.

just as the propellers below me

must work and move and rumble

to take me to a new destination,

so it is with me

and my heart.

it's not easy, and yet

you can easily ignore it.

but when you simply stand,

and listen, and feel,

you realize

that the churning, the rumbling,

although harsh and murky

will eventually bring you

into a new place,

a place you desire to be.

the churning

deep within me - 

it hurts. it comes with a price.

it's not to be ignored, and it is worth it

[I think.]

hi mom.

looooove you.

“I knew then that no matter how hard you tried, no matter how many jars of honey you threw, no matter how much you thought you could leave your mother behind, she would never disappear from the tender places in you.” 

- the secret life of bees

cinco de mayooooo

ahahahaha

beautiful people

I miss these people...
at times I really loved them, other times all I wanted was some space.


what to pack? from cori smith on Vimeo.

I've been home from my trip for a year now, and I remember it all too well. the loneliness, the depression, the purposelessness I felt almost immediately after returning home. what was I to do with myself? where was I to go? who were my friends?

I still don't really know what to do about this trip that I was on.

how do you go about processing 11 months of insanity,

that was so far from reality and yet simultaneously was nothing but real?

what do I do about the fact that I lived with these people, and these people only, 

for 11 months, and now am separated from them? but they are the only ones

who experienced the craziness alongside of me. they're the only ones who know.

how do I live, how do I be

in this world

because of what I have seen and experienced?

I really have no idea.

but I do know that I am moving toward something good,

something that is more of my real, genuine self.

I lack the words for this process - really I do.

the more I try to explain it to people

the less the words feel true.

but this something is happening within me,

and it needs nurturing and care.

grace. love.

and then more & more - grace. love.

[repeat.]

may this something continue

always. forever.

Untitled from amanda thompson on Vimeo.

An Ode to I-Squad from Hannah Olsen on Vimeo.

duhyaaaaaaaang gina

this



is so, so, so much better than this



...seeeeeeeriously.
[can you tell that I'm currently sitting in Old Testament class for 7 hours?!? uhm yeah.]