so great.

my two favorite things about my new place:

can't stop laughing

another thing I hope to do a lot of this summer is laugh, and this may be the funniest thing i've seen in awhile. omg.

eeeee

as of approximately 12:18am friday morning, I'm officially done with my first year of grad school. wow. there are no words, really. for some reason I think your first year ends up being this huge blur and it feels all big and vague when you try to describe it to people, yet at the same time very deep, specific pockets of change have occurred inside of you. perhaps in the next few months I'll find more words for them, who knows.

but now it is summerrrrrr. what an odd, odd feeling. I'm hoping my summer will be full of rest, recuperating, adventure, growth, and unexpected goodness. mmm, it feels good to have space in my life.

also - i just can't think of summer right now without thinking of this scene, just sayin'......

yesterday I followed Riley's lead and did something I've never done before.

I've thought about it many times and wanted to for awhile. but the timing just hasn't been right.

I finally did it. I jumped into green lake. it was very cold. but luckily it was 75 yesterday so afterward I just went right back to sunbathing. sunburn = success.

and lastly, for your viewing pleasure, a little taste of triangulation for you:

sorry snap - I've got the power

I feel empowered today. still, seven hours after therapy. yes! victory. it's an odd feeling for me. I feel like life has been consuming me, overwhelming me, pressuring me, confusing me, and I've just been trying to get through it. it's pretty crappy to live this way, let's be honest.

but today is different. perhaps I'm in touch with the strength that people keep telling me I have. perhaps I'm not as afraid of having power as I have been before (I've been talking a lot about power these days, can you tell?).

it's frustrating to think that this feeling probably won't last. tomorrow I may wake up and feel back in the fight, back in the underdog position who has to have someone else validate whatever it is I'm experiencing. but such is life. if I'm feeling this way today it means progress has been made. it means that I'm on a good journey and am finding myself.

it feels good in this moment to say that I have power. that I can say or not say whatever it is that I'm thinking. I have power to choose my relationships, even to choose what my role will or won't be in them. that feels good as well.

do you know what else feels good? that I have finished my 11 page paper for old testament on 1 samuel 27. yeeeeeeeeeeees!! 1st year of grad school = almost done. boom. i've got the power.

another sidenote: currently one of my new roommates is dancing to backstreet boys' "larger than life." I am laughing.

there will come a time, you'll see..

angerrrrr

I don't know what my deal was/is (?), but yesterday at least, I was super angry about everything. first I went to office hour with this girl, thinking I'd just talk to her about one little question I had, but then the anger and the sadness came out. yep, that's where it started. basically I was upset about the church, and how it doesn't seem like what Jesus talked about is preached or valued. anyway, perhaps that blog is for another day.

then I had old testament class for six hours. ayayay. I tried to pay attention, for awhile at least. I even closed my computer a few times to try to listen better. but I was pissed. not sure exactly at what, the class perhaps, or the fact that I couldn't really listen, or that life feels out of my control right now, but I couldn't wait til I left to go to my basketball game.

and I was stiiiiiiiiiiill mad. so this was the perfect outlet for me - running around, getting energy out, playing basketball. yes! so I played... like I was mad. because I was. I thought to myself that I really wanted to foul out. it felt really good to just hack people, not let them shoot easily. I even took a charge at one point which I felt pretty good about. I think I ended with 4 fouls - two short of what I wanted.

we lost the game and we led for most of it. ugh. more anger.

later that night I just was thinking about it, and why/what I'm mad at, and really the only thing that came to me is that I think God is okay with my anger. sounds trite, but seriously though. I don't think I have to try to fix it right now.

champs

this guy went to my school... just sayin'.

saw her play tonight... you would have loved her.




it was pretty cute actually. her dad was on one side of her playing guitar, and her husband was on the other.
WWDAS? (what would dan allender say?) 'leave and cleave! leave and cleave!'