on love.

yesterday I felt my little nephew kick in my sister's belly for the first time. this little guy is getting ready to come out. it was the coolest feeling - he's in there, he's alive, moving around and stuff. he can hear me. he's just chillin all nice and warm.

and IIIIIIIIIIIIIII... love the crap outta this guy. seriously.
and I don't even know him.

I don't know if he'll play basketball or football. if he'll hate cheese like his dad does. if he'll play an instrument or sing, if he'll like harry potter. I don't know if he'll like chipotle, but he better. I wonder if he'll be an extrovert, if he'll have friends, if he'll know how much he's loved. I wonder what he'll go through in his life. I wonder if I can take him to a baseball game one day. I hope that we'll be close, that he'll enjoy spending time with me whenever that happens. I hope I can read books to him and that he'll fall asleep while I'm holding him. I wonder if he'll keep my sister up all night. what subjects will he like in school? what is he gonna be when he grows up? I hope he wears sweater vests, those are so cute. I hope that he can come to know who he is, and rest in that.

every time I think these thoughts I am amazed at how much I love him, and he's not even here yet. I really don't know him. but it doesn't matter. I've got this affection, commitment for this little person I've never met. it doesn't really matter to me what he does or who he is. I love him. period. I'm for him. I'll fight for him.

...and how hard is it for me to have these same thoughts for myself? it's a battle. not quite so easy. but I'm learning so much already from this little one about love because of it. the little girl in me needs to be loved, cherished, held in her beauty and complexity just for who she is.