tired, smelly, excited, and tired.

welp, just got back from camping in good ol' idaho for a few days. yeeeeeefrigginhaw. it was lovely. I may or may not have flyfished for the first time...

anywho. I returned home, plopped my things on the ground and realized aw crap. I have to pack this week. ugh.

mind you I definitely could have packed last week. but I had a cold so instead I slept a lot. :/ now, reality is lurking just around the corner which means my stuff will somehow magically all be put into boxes over the next few days. oyvey. moving is a pain. and a blessing all at the same time.

...not sure how I really feel about all this.

in other news --- my lovely sister just found out that she is having a BOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYY in september!! eeeeeeee!! so wonderful.

alright. I'm tired.

down and dirty

last night I went to this free art thing led by a fellow student at my school. the way it was advertised I imagined that I would go and choose what kind of painting I wanted to do and she would come around and help and give some pointers.

instead, we all painted together... fingerpainted, to be more specific.

one of my creations

endless possibilities

a few days ago my therapist gave me this... she's pretty great.






a blank canvas with lots of potential. I'm not sure what I'll do with it yet but for now it's like that little reminder to me of something really scary but really good that can come if I am willing and courageous enough to try.

one thing I've thought for years now is that I'd love to learn how to paint.
most of the time people just say "oh, of course you can paint. just try."
but I mean really paint. actually know more of what I am doing and how to do it.

the thing I've dreamed of painting the most is sunsets.
particularly in Arizona, they are beautiful. breathtaking.
so good they can't really be real, right?

here's a picture of the Seattle sun going down a few night ago.
through the trees.

midnight and the resurrection

ashley, scott, and chelsea just left my house.

we talked, we laughed, we played my new therapist game for about 10 minutes..

then, probably just after midnight, we started talking about the resurrection.

ashley spoke of how frustrating it can be that at the times you really want it it's nowhere to be found, or you're totally not expecting it and it comes beautifully and powerfully.

I said that's probably the point of it.
it can't be forced or manipulated.

but how has this whole concept become so utterly foreign to us?
we also talked about hope. it's almost like we were taught to hope
in hoping, instead of the real nitty-gritty kind of hope that you
would die without.

even now, writing this, the words and sounds
don't really fit the concept.
they feel surfacey and insufficient.

what does it mean, and what did it look like, for Jesus to actually come out from the grave
and to leave it behind him?
we thought that he probably didn't just walk out of there triumphantly and powerfully,
although it certainly was an act that defines courage and strength..

instead, he probably left his grave with a limp.

hoping hurts.

woah.

Manchester Orchestra - "Simple Math" from DANIELS on Vimeo.

moving :/

oyvey. over the past few weeks my landlord has been quite, umm, interesting to say the least. roomie and I finally decided to take action and write a letter to him saying that he needed to fix our kitchen windows that have been leaking badly since december and also to get a mold inspector to come out. don't ask why we didn't do this sooner - I don't really know.

turns out he's willing to replace the window but that's about it. so he's been up at our place a ton, trying to fix stuff himself for awhile and even took his own 'mold sample' which 'came back negative'... but finally we have come to mutually agree that it's best for all involved if we move out. I think he is over us because we're not willing to settle and we are over him because he just won't do what we're asking.

in other words my break over the next 2 weeks just got quite a bit more interesting/stressful, as I now have to figure out a way to hopefully put my stuff in storage for the month of may and find some friends who will let me crash with them.....

I hate moving, but perhaps it is time for something new. in fact, it is. it's time for me to move to a place with a bathtub - this I know for sure. on to better things I say. and in a very odd way, becoming a nomad for a month actually sounds appealing to me. I think I kind of feel that way a bit right now...

a poem

shared with me by my practicum facilitator on our last meeting...

once only by denise levertov.

All which, because it was
flame and song and granted us
joy, we thought we'd do, be, revisit,
turns out to have been what it was
that once, only; every invitation
did not begin
a series, a build-up: the marvelous
did happen in our lives, our stories
are not drab with its absence: but don't
expect to return for more. Whatever more
there will be will be
unique as those were unique. Try
to acknowledge the next
song in its body -- halo of flames as utterly
present, as now or never.