midnight and the resurrection

ashley, scott, and chelsea just left my house.

we talked, we laughed, we played my new therapist game for about 10 minutes..

then, probably just after midnight, we started talking about the resurrection.

ashley spoke of how frustrating it can be that at the times you really want it it's nowhere to be found, or you're totally not expecting it and it comes beautifully and powerfully.

I said that's probably the point of it.
it can't be forced or manipulated.

but how has this whole concept become so utterly foreign to us?
we also talked about hope. it's almost like we were taught to hope
in hoping, instead of the real nitty-gritty kind of hope that you
would die without.

even now, writing this, the words and sounds
don't really fit the concept.
they feel surfacey and insufficient.

what does it mean, and what did it look like, for Jesus to actually come out from the grave
and to leave it behind him?
we thought that he probably didn't just walk out of there triumphantly and powerfully,
although it certainly was an act that defines courage and strength..

instead, he probably left his grave with a limp.

hoping hurts.