angerrrrr

I don't know what my deal was/is (?), but yesterday at least, I was super angry about everything. first I went to office hour with this girl, thinking I'd just talk to her about one little question I had, but then the anger and the sadness came out. yep, that's where it started. basically I was upset about the church, and how it doesn't seem like what Jesus talked about is preached or valued. anyway, perhaps that blog is for another day.

then I had old testament class for six hours. ayayay. I tried to pay attention, for awhile at least. I even closed my computer a few times to try to listen better. but I was pissed. not sure exactly at what, the class perhaps, or the fact that I couldn't really listen, or that life feels out of my control right now, but I couldn't wait til I left to go to my basketball game.

and I was stiiiiiiiiiiill mad. so this was the perfect outlet for me - running around, getting energy out, playing basketball. yes! so I played... like I was mad. because I was. I thought to myself that I really wanted to foul out. it felt really good to just hack people, not let them shoot easily. I even took a charge at one point which I felt pretty good about. I think I ended with 4 fouls - two short of what I wanted.

we lost the game and we led for most of it. ugh. more anger.

later that night I just was thinking about it, and why/what I'm mad at, and really the only thing that came to me is that I think God is okay with my anger. sounds trite, but seriously though. I don't think I have to try to fix it right now.